literature

The Diary of A (Part 1)

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Literature Text

I wanted to write a story about someone different. Turns out different isn’t always what it seems. The differences that make people special, unique, creative, and one-of-a-kind are just that, differences. The truth of the matter is, we are all human. I still struggle with this fact today.

See, I have no idea who I am or what I follow. I know I’m human, but that’s just about it. I don’t know what kind of human I am or what gods I choose to follow. I’m just, me.

Yes, selfish me. I was born with the hidden self-conscious right of entitlement to everything. I shut away people that I thought would change me and brought grief upon myself when no one seemed to love me. I learned to care about only myself and my wants and needs.

I can’t see my life that way anymore. I want to change. I want to make a difference about my own humanity. I don’t want to be unique or loved by everyone, I want to find something within myself that can bring peace within but care out. I thought I was doing this when I met the love of my life, but I learned that even humans fall. Humans all fall.

I didn’t know up until now that I worshiped this human man, followed in his footsteps, blinded by possession. I thought I had discovered who I was in this man. But he fell and so did I.

Drive, passion, desire: all words that held meaning to me up until now. I can’t face the fact that I relied on such words that I have no use for. This is because I have none of these things. They are just words.

I still struggle to find who I am. But what identity can I create out of nothing? After my love broke my heart, I too, was broken. I became nothing. I am nothing. I don’t know what to mold or shape into my own being because I believe I am nothing right now. You can’t make a vase out of air, nor can you make a doll out of water. The things that I perceive to be, to be made out of certain things, those things just aren’t really there.

Perhaps it’s time to seek the endless esteem of things and drop perspectives the way they are. In the meantime I will continue to write; at least until I find that the nothing isn’t here anymore.

-A.
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Blitzheart's avatar
Is this a Pretty Little Liars thing, like, that A? It doesn't matter either way, because this is an amazing piece of work. I love it <3