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The House of Tall WallsWhen I was a child,
I lived in a house
The house was small
And the walls were tall
They surrounded me
Day after day
From what I could not be
I was a child
Who played in my room
With toys and games
And a loving creature or two
I had a small teddy bear
That I would hug and hold
Playing dresses and tea tables
Riding horses in the stables
Then I grew up
Up and up, I grew
I began to grow tall
And soon, there were no more walls
My daddy teddy bear
Fell upon my bed
As I rose up
To see him, my father, again
Then the house changed
It moved to another place
And inside, there were
A flight of stairs, blurs
I couldn't see a clear image
My eyes were marked with fuzz
My sight grew weary and old
All because of life's hold
Then there was a light
Within this house's walls
They said to me once again
His life would not surely end
My teddy bear father
Then sat upright
Against the bed stand
With a light and prayer in his hand
I grew out of that room
That house with small walls
I began to see
I am white
So hidden amongst the snow
A pale shadow
Like that you never know
A soft hardened layer
Of frosted over memories
Ceases to make this seem
And far beyond the reverie
I am simply cast aside
Awaiting to be deemed
Something no longer forgotten
And something to be freed
This ice bitter wind
Has me trapped against such
The blackened brick wall
Of which is never touched
This blurry hue awhile
Resurfaces storms of remorse
Of a white cold Christmas morn
The still beating heart
Is encased in these bitter walls
These sheets of foreboding
Disposed in arranges of steel
It is deathly surrounded
All by the coldness of such
A reality that was never known
But dwells deep and takes over
It drives downward and downward
Secretly twisting its heart into mine
My heart beats and bursts
No regular sound to be heard
Its metal framing cracks a spread
A resulting shatter of thus
The overbearing and tormenting
Until my heart can not take it
Forever it shall be
Unframed in a claustrophobic matter
With no will nor strength
But a splintered dagger
Iridescent flickers of color
Float carelessly throughout the air
Resurfacing the wanders of the unknown
While exposing the passions within
The flames of the heathen blaze
Burst forth in sentimental dance
Exploding the tendencies of lacking thus
The infliction no longer dispersed
How I long of that fire
That flare of confession
Which leads and forgives and disappears
While leaving behind charred souls
My heart is made of coal
No longer of the nightly failings
But rather of the sky light sparks
That disappears behind rusted remarks
The spirits of the flourish
Tend to all my worthless cares
They bring up to the feelings of thus
The life circle...
Of the spirit blaze
The Mystery of DeathA crawling child came to me
Asking, asking how could it be
He wailed and said
"Look here, sir! My mother is dead!"
I turned around and listened
Upon my ruby chair
"Oh dear, dear. Oh my.
Would you please care to share?"
He gulped then worded out
"I saw the man come about."
"He was hidden in the shadows,
with no noise or light to see."
"I tried to warn my mother,
but she did not answer me."
"I fled away, fearing my life.
But then, then, came the strike."
"I hide behind the wall, so
thus I could see it all."
"He crawled forth from the night
with a face contorted with blight."
"A scar across his eye...
Markings along the side..."
"He was hideous and lonely.
The gleam in his eyes was dreary."
"But what scared me the most,
was the axe he held to boast."
"He blurred into a cloud of ash,
and before a time could pass..."
"My mother was hacked into pieces,
all strewn across the floor."
"My sir! I couldn't stay there...
The child ceased a while
As I began to think
Then the answer ca
Die they say
Die, die, die
It's all you have left to live for
All to ever hope for
Let the death wash over you
As a wave black
That pierces the night spirit
No, no, no
You shall not, will not
And ever not
There is a Light that shines within
Something to be reconciled
Perhaps it really isn't what others think
But rather what is in your heart?
The Spirit will rise deep within
Praising God, denying all sin
Yet you still will not
Shall not listen
Listen I say!
To the cries throughout
The pain you cause
Will only bring about
Further deaths and further fires
So don't you die now
Don't you die now
There is still things left to be unsaid
Explain through the words rather than lives
Explain all the things you can't visualize
Because if you don't you will only seek
Something that will lead to hellish deems
Confess and seek
Seek the Light within
For He is greater and above all things
And will listen to your words
Your broken, broken death partings...
A Technicolor Life
Swirls of hue like memories
Taint the purity of the once white rose
Innocently prevailing a imagery
A image of the known
These rainbowish flurries of color
Paint a ignorant mindset once again
Covering over the corruption
With their technicolor ways
How my dreams fade
Dwelling beneath that rose of life
When they will ever bud again
I shall not be aware
A colorful life in a hand
That can be crushed by a simple grasp
Has a value of far more then such
Therefore resist the urge to touch
The technicolor rose of life.
She is the x-factor
The only individual
The one that is inconsistent
With that of the natural flow
They say that she is related
By the blood they can not tell
For she is the one that always hides
Shielding her heart from the shadows
If I could say that she is different
From all of the other rest
That would a truthful turnout
Of the lies that have set apart
Her heart is made of crimson glass
All marked and barred by steel
For without such a barrier she would just be
Not another x-factored victim deed
They have rejected her by the crowd
For she does not follow their mindset
Rather she would rather walk
Oppositely of their steps alight
She remains to be seen
But yet to be heard
The x-factor there that is softly fading
But remaining docile to the comprehension
Seven DaysSeven days clean.
It may not seem like much
But to me it means the world.
Seven days without self-mutilation.
The last cut turning into a pink ribbon scar
Looking worse than it did before.
I'm not ashamed of it.
The only reason it stays hidden,
Well is in case I can't keep myself together anymore.
Each bracelet is assurance that no one will know.
But one taken off for each day I'm okay.
When someone does see it
A simple lie comes out.
My cat scratched me,
They immediately buy it.
Seven days and not a single problem.
People may think it's nothing,
When in all reality it means
One day I will be strong
That I can overcome it all.
You Are Not AloneYou are not alone
I see you struggling,
You have no motivation, you are fading,
You feel like you're surrounded by lies,
But I know otherwise,
I need you to think,
Let all your feelings out with ink,
I can really help you,
If you just give me the chance to,
I'm here for you and I shall always be,
You can trust me,
You can't keep on doing this to yourself,
I can't even bare the thought of being by myself,
You are beautiful, you are you,
And I love you,
So please, please don't feel bad,
You're only making me sad,
You are my friend,
And you will be until the very end,
Please feel better,
I'll be here forever.
GhostThe dream shatters around me
Like a broken mirror.
Looking at the wreckage,
My reflection unrecognizable.
A broken image.
A broken heart.
I'm cut by the shards
As I try to piece it back together.
My blood sprinkles the surface
Like a red rain.
The mirror is whole again.
What's left of the dream.
I look at my reflection,
And tears finally begin to fall.
All of them aimed directly at me.
I roam the corridors all alone,
Dragging my head towards the tiled floor,
Not daring to lift my head up,
In fear that I may be mocked once again.
Why am I doing this to myself?
I look in mirror with disgust,
Wondering why I was created this way,
I can't keep lying to myself,
Can't keep saying I love my life when I don't.
If you knewIf you knew my feelings,
would you feel the same?
Would you hold me close,
or push me away?
If you knew my fears,
would you comfort me?
Would you tell me itd be alright
or leave me alone?
If you know my thoughts
would you accept me as me?
Would you think of me as less
and ignore me completely?
If you knew my desires
would you try to fulfill them,
or would you turn away,
disgusted by my longing
If you knew my love for you,
would it be returned?
would your love be forever
or would you leave me in the dust?
Count on MeYou can count on me, at any time
regardless the place or day.
I am here for you
(even though I don't know what to say).
I'll help you
as you have ever helped me.
Together, you know, we're stronger
and we will always be.
I beg you, please, let me know
if there's anything I can do for you.
You can trust me (as I trust you),
you know it's true.
A Cup of TeaI'm a strange cup of tea.
I don't think anyone
will actually drink from me.
I'm Afraid I'm too sweet,
and will get caught in their throats.
I'm Afraid I'm too bitter,
and will get spat out like a joke.
I'm Scared I'm too strong,
and they'll all walk away.
I'm Scared I'm too weak,
and no one will stay.
I'm a strange cup of tea.
I don't think anyone
will ever drink from me.
Today, I cried.December 10th, 2012.
Today I cried.
I wasn't bullied today.
Neither was I bullied yesterday.
Nor am I going to be tomorrow.
But I cried.
Because I relived every moment.
And that was enough.
I succumbed to my emotions.
Today I cried.
I wasn't particularly weak today.
Neither was I weak yesterday.
Nor am I going to be weak tomorrow.
But I cried.
Because I relived every moment.
And I'm not ashamed.
I succumbed to my emotions.
But... I'm not ashamed.
Today I cried.
But that's just the way I am.
Once in a while, you just need a good cry.
To remind yourself of:
the little emotion you have left.
BlackbirdA black winged bird sat atop a roof,
Nonchalantly humming its caws and coos.
For there on the street down yonder it peered,
At the coming of jeers; the walking of fear.
It saluted its foe and hopped to and fro,
Unaware that behind the mask was a heart of gold.
But the blood stained cheeks and pale white hands
Reached out for the bird, thus it succumbed to their demands.
Feathers flew in the wind from the night time air,
A whirlwind of darkness only the night could compare;
The bird found a place where it could perch and respite,
On the shoulder of a corpse oh, what a delight!
A chuckle from a mouth that the heavens forbade,
Gave room for the next few words that were said:
"Blackbird, blackbird! Why have you come?
In this unruly hour the night will be undone!
The children on the street are marching one by one,
To innocent to know that a nightmare has begun."
He clasped his hands when he finished his speech,
His shoulders were shaking in delicious relief
They desire a longing
A longing for that tender sweet bond
The bond of the scarlet river
That flows from within
It is what keeps their hearts
Beating in their caged chests
For without the blood
They could not live
They are bonded by the rogue
Aspiring throughout their souls
For it is what makes them become
Identical as oath brothers
Crimson marks tear up the past
With a small river flowing down
Downward from the crystal eye
The eye of all things known
Emotions are only expressed
Through the pounding of this blood
That never ceases to be
Their passionate desire
Bursts from within
To crave and taste the blood
The bond from within
[transmissions of a dead girl]i am the
moon: i am
the silver pill
to weigh down
into leaden eyes--
i am the
of the dark.
the stars are
all dead in their
you'll be safe, dear,
as i am the moon,
with all of your
(i am good bye and yet,
you think only of romantic
i am the moon.
i am the crescent
and dead altogether,
i still die.
All Here For A ReasonI turned onto a shady, well-manicured driveway that, for all intents and purposes, looked harmless enough. Maple trees lined both sides of the street, and a parade of Canadian geese marched across the road to a wide duck pond with a flamboyant fountain. There were blooming crepe myrtles and rose-of-sharons, and as I grew closer to my destination, neatly trimmed gardens with neatly trimmed bushes.
I stopped to let the geese pass. They looked at me; one hissed. I honked my horn and moved around them.
At the end of the road sat a collection of grayish buildings and a number of signs directing me to the appropriate parking lot. "Welcome to Ten Creeks Hospital," said one of them. "Please enjoy your stay." I parked in the visitor's lot. Surely I wouldn't be staying.
I was shaking when I got out of my car. I had spent the morning getting high. One foot in front of the other, flip-flop noises, hot sidewalk. Mulberry and magnolia trees, freshly shaved grass. A bench and pan for smokers. A set o
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